I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
