video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
