If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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