Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just googled if crying burns calories
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
