Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
