I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
