Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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