every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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