wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
