I wanna bring you to show and tell
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
