I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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