I have demons in me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
