and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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