im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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