The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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