In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
