you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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