True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I did not marry a roomba.
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