I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
