I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
