nut hugger
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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