I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
