Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
