Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
