3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
