under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Damn victory sex feels great
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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