new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
false alarm. still invincible.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
