I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
