Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think my mom watched the whole time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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