Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
