Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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