a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
