if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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