Will you blow on my dice?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
