Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
