peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
