life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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