I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
