Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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