Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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