There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
