A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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