I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how drunk are you?
Several
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
