My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
