What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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