I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
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