he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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