i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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