I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
