the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
