I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
