Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
