i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
