wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
