Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
