i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
