you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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