I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
