Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
high people should be assigned attendants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
