i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
