I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
