she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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