we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
