I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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