xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
