we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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