listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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