nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
