an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn victory sex feels great
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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