I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm always down for nudity.
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