Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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