I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
