Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this just has baby written all over it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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