Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize