U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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